Friday, January 06, 2006

New Year's Poem - ala' H.H.

My good friend did indeed miss much chivalry and good times at Fort DeSoto this New Years. He wrote this lament. Read on...





My New Years

By Maya Angelou*

**********************************

Darish, blond aviator stares up at yonder sky
cracked blue with tints of birds
Not hours passed since green young men
in their own flesh colored suits
did sit upon bucket and crates
in a building with barely walls.
To this building under construction they did gaze,
at yonder portapotty at the airport which the elders call
Pensacola Regional.
For their own mates forsook them,
to travel far and wide
to see kin and the like
at parts unknown.
And like assholes,
caused the base to close.

Not these brave souls,
whose unbridaled passion for their
beloved mother sky
did they cling.
Not tempted by drink,
nor flesh,
nor the sublime sundries of lifelong friends.

This imperfect day
did the aviatiors sit in said unimproved conditions
to breif a flight that was not to be.
No!.....
Hark!
Was
That
The
Fuel
Truck?
?
Fuckballs!

Alas it went by,
so no fuel to be had
to feed the aluminum bird
that carried the young aviators so free and high,
like a negro,
minus the free part.

Day Two
And the knights of the sky sat.
The impenatrable fog a blanket that caressed them
and smelled of farts.
Too,
that day, not one aluminum food processor
did take to the sky
And the foppish navy skipper
did say,
"Yonder bar, Gents?"

Day Three
And all made
reconcilliation to thy maker
for indescretion and many unnatural acts
of such night prior
Avast!

Day Four

Was a sky so dark most of the airdales
did stay in the sack
and there was much
sinful touching of ones self.
So thine lord's holiday
passes without myrth.
With longing for good and merry times
and drinking merry brew
and setting merry fires
and merry fornication with merry small furry creatures
and beating old people
with merry in our hearts.
Oh regret,
like the aftertaste
when you kissa 20$ french whore
who smokes.
How he longs to be
with his friends
in cheer and good times,
and with purity of essence
for all mankind.
The Fuckin End

Mahalo, Bitches. The pics look great. I wish i could have been there
Next year, if i am not in Iraq.

H.H. -Poet Lauriat of Uzbekistan

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Duel: Challenge Accepted


The gauntlet has been cast, and the challenge accepted. A grievous wrong has been smote upon honor, and the nobles will settle differences at noon upon a future date.

In case you, the humble reader are unawares, my childhood chum hast committed a grievous wrong. Our correspondence has been provided below. There will surely be more to come in this matter before us, as for now I provide only these details. However, rest assured, there will come more on this matter...

Dec 8

Good Sir,

In reference to the New Year's quest, all weeping has subsided. Duty to Country is held in the highest regard, whether yee man a desk or fly on silvered wings to the skies. The entire expeditionary party laments your decision. However comfortably cozy our state may be, we will raise a glass of Jim Beam and Egg Nog in your honor at the prescribed hour. Forsooth, the celebratory time of year is nigh, and the Ghost of Christmas Present knocks upon the mantle of our doors. Neigh, this one is wearing a blue vest with Wal-Mart embroidered to the front and 'How May I Help You' stenciled to the posterior. As I glance through my parlor window, I see the glittery' gleams of the Spanish settlement across the way and their glowing Feliz Navidad Holiday decor.

To address a blow to ones psyche, as surely transpired in happenstance, I speak of the events that transpired on the 25th of November. A trip was made to the deepest regions to our southernly towne by the good reader. Unawares to oneself was this. However, a trip by carriage and steed was made practically to Lord Tampa's own backyarde, to the gentelman's pub Mons Venus. For future reference, in keeping with good lordly fashion, extend the hand of chivalrous friendship to imbibe, with mouth and eye, the many delectable delicacies so freely offered. Announced visits need not official inviation nor warning.

The books on the shelf round' me are calling my name. The time for the scholarly session is nearing its close. Of late, I have alleviated my stresses with much sawing and manipulation of wooden pine. However, the hour is near when I must accumulate my knowledge for the final testing of my session. Wish me luck and in that regard I wish you Good Sir...

Godspeed,

Lord Jorge Belle of the Tampa Province

Dec 10

Dearest Lord Belle,

I trust all acedemic examinations have both transpired and hath earned the highest remarks. The estemed lineage of your families strong showing in acedemia is likely to be the culprit, nay to mention your devoted sweat and furvor.

As for our meetings on the once agreed upon time and place, I offer further apologies. I shall be scouting the area north of said position on the said date and time via aerocopter. Such further detail shall not be forthcomming because of their sensitive status.

Sir, as you so pointedly remarked in your last correspondence, I did fail to recognise your proximity to the noble and gentlemanly clube of Mons Venus. Humbly requesting your pardon, I was unsure young lady Belle's opinion of said gentelmanly clubs. Hark, then i doth realized that I had, in fact, been in accompanyment of the Lady Belle whenst we did embark upon Camelot in our nations fine Capital, prior to your nuputuals.

Herein, I state in reply to your protest. I hath offended your honor so aggreviously, that there lies no other recourse upon your part, but to issue a Request For Duel.

Your communique serves as a fresh slap from your hearty glove. I accept your challenge, and in accordance with Her Majesties Dueling Concourse, I set forth the following criteria.

1) Said duel shall take place there abouts the premise of Mons Venus.

2) It shall take -place at the strike of Noon on the day of your choosing, preferably after both of us have partaken in our respective last lunchon, which i suggest we partake togeather

3) The method shall be a formal pace-off, where in a third party shall pace us off ten (10) paces.

4) Our weapons shall be selected in accordance with Her Majesties Dueling Concourse. I proffer the following options:

a. The deadly tropical fruit, the Bananae

b. An angry cat

c. A cooked, glazed ham weighing several kilograms

d. assorted pocket lint

e. yet undeterimed amount of monies, that shall be provided by myself.

Of which, this money shall be issued to strippers on a discretionary basis. The man that utters that he can take no more blows to the face from breasts, nor anymore gyrations from said ladies for hire, shall be the vanquished.

This duel shall take place on the vicitity of the Birth Of Our Lord, when both parties shall be in the area- OR- the next time our paths cross (with a substitute forum).

Regards,

Arch-Duke Harlon Polomplanara of East Quesha-Quesha Province

In the Sovern State of Squiginara

Monday, December 05, 2005

Military Recruiting Shortfall Solution

I recently had to give a presentation for one of my classes at USF. The assignment was to find a social problem had to create a solution to the issue. I chose the current recruiting shortfalls that the military is facing across the board. My solution didn't exactly cause jaws to drop on the floor, but I think I got the attention of my 20-something classmates. Here it is for your reading pleasure...

The job of killing people and breaking things is the main focus of our all-volunteer military force. However, in order of importance, recruiting falls right behind the training and equipping of the troops. Billions of dollars are spent every year to this goal. The recruiters for each branch spend months in school learning to sell the armed services to civilians (mainly high school age teens). The stress of the job takes a toll on these servicemen, yet they manage to convey the message to hundreds of thousands every year.

These guys have spit and polished routines that are pretty convincing. I speak from experience when I recall my first brush with the recruiting tactics that eventually coerced me to join. I was thirteen years old, waiting by the local gas station for my school bus. A recruiter would come in most mornings to gas up and get a cup of joe. One day he stopped by me and gave me his card. He asked me some questions and told me to give him a call if I ever thought about serving. As he left, I stood transfixed, looking at the card in my hand and thinking: "They want me. For the US Army. I must look like a total badass." The truth was that I was overweight, pimpled kid, but anyone can stop a bullet. I kept that card in wallet till I was a senior in high school. During the first week of the school year, I called the recruiting office asking for the staff sergeant that I met that at the bus stop years before. I was told that he was no longer assigned to the station by the voice at the other end of the line. However, he would be more than glad to meet with me. Within a few weeks, my mother was standing by my side as I swore to "protect the country against all enemies foreign and domestic".

Right now, the five of the ten components (active and reserve) of the 5 branches of the military have missed the recruiting goals (by 8 to 20 percent) for the 2005 fiscal year. This includes the Army, Army Reserve, Army National Guard, Air National Guard, and Navy Reserve. The Navy even missed its retention goals by 8 percent. All the active components also saw a decrease in the number of enlistees in the Delayed Entry program. This is an option that allows the enlistee to wait up to a year to ship off to boot camp from the initial "swearing-in" ceremony. This downward trend indicates that there will be a significant loss in future enlistments. Even the Marines have missed recruiting goals in over four months for the year, but still managed to meet their annual goal. That was the first time they had missed their goals in ten years (since the Gulf War). Additionally, the overall ASVAB test score for the Army recruits is significantly lower than in years past, indicating the Army is less discriminatory in who they allow into the service.

All of these factors are strongly influenced by the current situation in Iraq. There have been several recent bills passed recently in Washington aimed at resolving this issue. The No Child Behind education bill actually tacked on a measure that allows military recruiters full access to high schooler's personal information. While this was meant to aid recruiters, it has actually stirred up controversies across the country. In Seattle, the parent-teacher-student association at Garfield High School voted 25 to 5 last month to adopt a largely symbolic resolution that "public schools are not a place for military recruiters." It was symbolic for one reason. Had they voted to ban the recruiters (which is perfectly legal), they would have risked losing federal funding for the school district. Millions in federal funding didn't stop the citizens of San Francisco who recently passed a ballot measure that bans recruiters from all public high schools and colleges. This caused a political firestorm nationwide. Talk show host Bill O'Reilly even went so far as to allude that should terrorists attack San Francisco, the US shouldn't rush to their aid. At Harvard, the university's School of Law recently backed off its initial stance to ban recruiters. The fact that they receive over $400 million in federal funds annually played heavily to this decision.

To further combat the recruiting woes, the military has taken action using several available tools at their disposal. Several years ago, the Army reassigned its advertising contract with the same firm that promotes companies such as Kellogg, Nintendo, McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Walt Disney. It was a quick "out with the old in with the new" routine that killed the "Be All You Can Be" campaign (touted as one of the most successful campaigns of all time) that ran from through the 80s and 90s. The new, more self-centered and egotistical approach was taken with the "Army Of One" slogan. For the first time, advertising has also been aimed at parents of potential recruits. To further increase enlistment money has been thrown at the problem in the form of recruit cash bonus incentives.

Sometimes however, all the catchy slogans and thousand dollar bonuses don't get the bodies that are needed, and more drastic measures are taken. In the past year, the Army instituted a "Stop Loss" on over 17,000 soldiers. Stop Loss is the term used when the military withholds service members in key occupations from leaving at the end of their enlistments. For instance, a friend of mine was to leave the military in December of 2002. He was married in October only to find he was not going to get out of the service. For over seven months he was held in a captive state in Washington DC, while his wife lived hundreds of miles away in New York. It was a depressing time for my buddy. Just imagine the thousands of troops in Iraq in the past year, weeks from going back to the States and home to family. Then they are told their unit will remain in a war zone for six months, a year. No doubt, some serious backlash and grumbling transpired among the ranks.

Another instrument the military can utilize the Individual Ready Reserve (IRR). When recruits enlist in any branch of the service, they are obligated for eight years. Many never thoroughly read the contract that they signed, but it is explicitly stated. For my Army contract it stated they could call me back according to "needs of the Army", which grants them an expansive array of 'needs' to draw from. Most believe they do their two or three year active enlistment and are done. However, the military can technically pluck you from your comfortable, pot-smoking, hippie-hair-wearing, fat-bellied stupor and have you report to the nearest post within 30 days for duty. This has a direct impact on veterans like myself who have several years of obligation remaining.

In the past year, the Army sent out about 7,000 notices to IRR soldiers they needed in shortened job skills. The campaign was highly unsuccessful. A full third of those contacted never showed up. Of those who did report for duty, over half filed for exemption from duty citing family obligations, religious beliefs, desire to do drugs, physical issues, and many other reasons. They said "Thanks, but no thanks." These vets were simply satisfied with civilian life and felt they had fulfilled their obligation honorably. In fact, within the past month, the Army announced it was ending its utilization of the IRR option, at least for a while. While this is good news for guys like me, it doesn't mean that it is over. My contract, more or less signed in blood, is binding. However, what matters is that in the end, both Stop Loss and the IRR call-ups have proven detrimental to troop morale and have been momentarily abandoned. The attempted solutions to recruiting have been met with failure; the forecast remains clouded and dismal.

My proposal is this: to endorse a reactivation of conscription in the form of a draft. While this is drastic and controversial (in a recent AP poll, seven out of ten were against the draft) it remains very familiar to our country. The concept of mandatory civilian military obligation has been used since civilizations began warring with one another thousands of years ago. Historically, our country has used conscription quite a few times. Here are just a few 'little' skirmishes where conscription or a draft was used: the War of 1812, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, the Korean War, and Vietnam. In fact, many countries currently use conscription. These include: China, Egypt, Finland, Mexico, Greece, Romania, Sweden, and Turkey. Countries such as Israel are highly successful with conscription, even going as far as allowing women to serve (!) in the military. However, Russia's conscription is rife with corruption, allowing many to gain exemptions with bribes.

In 2004, Senators Rangel (D-NY) and Hollings (D-SC) proposed legislation that would have reinstituted a draft for men and women into military of civilian service (i.e., Americorps). The Selective Service Initiative (as it was named) came to a vote in the House of Representatives. It was not even close and lost by a vote of 402-2. The two representatives explained their proposal as a protest against the president's endless wars in the Mid-East.

Needless to say, their protest had a point; and there is a strong argument to be made for reactivating the draft. If the Congress and the administration were relying on the votes of those in uniform, they would now have to think twice. When most of the country fills the 'able bodied and sound mind' requisite of the military, they would be apt to slow down a massive worldwide deployment. Those in charge would also have to consider the fact that their own children could be drafted and called to serve. Part of the reason why a draft is so unpopular is because of the bad taste left in the mouth of citizens after the Vietnam War. Rich and educated citizens were able to skirt duty (our current Vice President received five deferments from duty during that time period). An "honest draft" similar to those used in World War II and the Korean War would have to be employed this time around. Additionally, the draft would ensure that a more accurate slice of the country is represented in the armed services. Currently the military is stocked with primarily middle and lower class citizens, and does not represent our class system equally.

The draft would bolster the all-volunteer military. During the buildup to the war in Iraq, the Army's highest ranked officer, General Eric Shinseki, called loudly for a massive invading force. When he wouldn't stop, he was more or less relieved of duty. As a soldier in the Honor Guard, I was on the parade field for his retirement ceremony (of note, Secretrary of Defense Rumsfeld failed to show). In his speech, he continued to warn that the Army shouldn't overextend itself across the globe by saying "Beware the 12-division strategy for a 10-division Army." Considering that I normally focused on standing straight and beating the 90-degree heat of the Capital Region, it is strange that I even pulled those words from his speech. However, it is even stranger to see that the military eventually heeded his words. After the initial charge and occupation of Iraq, we soon discovered that more troops were needed to secure and stabilize the region. Conscription would stave off the fears of not having ample support back home. By having millions manning the guns back home, there would be plenty of troops to handle the problems abroad. While it may be too late to enact a draft to affect Iraq. For future conflicts however, we should be prepared.
Another effect of a draft is a large veteran population. Veterans are a positive force in America. Movies like Born On The Fourth Of July have presented many with a distorted view of veterans. However, contrary to those beliefs is the fact that many veterans have utilized the experiences gained from the military to better themselves. Millions used the GI Bill to further their education after World War II, enabling our country to use a educated populace to become the hegemony we are today. Additionally, the VA hospital system is no longer a punch line when it comes to providing healthcare for veterans. In fact, it is the largest single payer unified healthcare system in America today. Imagine if all citizens were veterans. Legislation would pass to increase funding for the VA system, finally activating a universal healthcare system for most Americans. This could force the streamlining of our current healthcare, with all its problems.

While the draft is controversial, it is not out of the picture. All the pieces are in place, just waiting for the next War to End All Wars. Most males (aged 18-35) are aware of the Selective Service. This puts them in a databank for access should we ever need to utilize the draft. Without entering into the system, most men cannot receive federal funding, grants, or even get a job at McDonalds. The case for a draft is very strong. Troops must be protected from administrational decisions such as ill-advised deployments, lack of support, and lack of manpower on the front lines. The time has passed to aid the troops in Iraq; however, it is only a matter of time till the draft is reactivated. Our country has used the draft successfully in the past, and there is no reason to see why it couldn't work again in the future.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

I got soul but I'm not a soldier...

I've been a fucking slave for this blog over the past few months. I really love this whole blogging thing though... I think. Anyhow, we are required to write just three blogs a week. Two hundred and fifty words. When I first started this blog thing, I was cruising the other blogs from ENC 1102 religiously. I soon found out that no one else really gave a shit about blogging. I tried to find some blogs to comment on, but no one was writing! How strange, since this is possibly the easiest thing to knock out in a half-hour time frame. It's all about time management.

Truth be told, I put way too much effort into mine. I'm talking (wink-wink) about extra credit here. You know, since I actually did the assignments when they were due. Additionally, I normally wrote 500-600 words a post. I don't really know what was up with that. Like I said, I really went a bit over the top. So now I find it comical to read this anomynous classmate's blog to see her frantic postings like this gem here. With this blog she writes a blistering 153 word diatribe about her plane ride to Turkey Day in Pittsburgh. I really hope she doesn't think that our professor actually meant by 'make up' that you could just type a half-assed account of a few days while you caught up to the magic number.

The next post by Classmate X is most assuredly about the next thing she runs into: her 90 year-old great grandmother. I can almost envision her rushing to a quiet room to type:

"She is a firm believer in the lord above, and believes that i part of the reason why she stays so yound. I was the only great grandchild for 13 years and now there 8 more. She is an ispiration to me. Im so happy i have a chance to spend some tiem with her. "

Its so cute how she mispells half of her descriptive words calling her "one of my heros". I suppose she wanders into her next subject, that of grandchildren, when she arrives in Pittsburgh and sees the burgeoning ranks swelling with new members. The final post refers to the snowwy day (sic) and the "icycles" that formed after Thanksgiving.

I really don't want to sound like a big a-hole, but that is what I am. What is so hard about using the spell check option? It seems as if the class has been given a free pass. In fact, Professor Tivnan just wrote today: "You should have a total of 36 blogs by that date (December 12)." Lets hope she makes people write about the same topics that were posted for each week and not just some piss-poor stream of consciousness footnote of a day in the life of _____. I guess all of us can really look forward to the next posts, most likely titled "Plane Ride Home: Soooo Long!" and the subsequently and aptly titled "So Slepy(sic) Now, Time for Bed". I just love the elevated social discussion these blogs provided, don't ya'll?

Constitutional Interpretation

A friend of mine is a lawyer for the Securities Exchange Commission in Washington. He once told me that he found it beautiful that the Constitution could be interpreted in so many different ways. He seemed to find comfort in that. I could say my father finds comfort in what he believes, which is the direct opposite. He is a originalist and clings to exactly what was penned on those pages so many years ago. As I recently wrote, Thomas Jefferson once entertained the possibility of what he called a 'sovereign generation'. By that term, he meant that each generation changed in scope, in beliefs, and in values. Subsequently, new laws should be drafted to accommodate the change.

Originalists cloak their personal beliefs with those of our forefathers. They seem to forget the references in those prized documents that acknowledge and legalize slavery and shun women's rights. I find no problem with what they fight for. I believe slavery is wrong. I am against abortion (surprised?). I believe that people should be able to protect their families. However, I do not pretend that our founding fathers meant for us to take their words to further our own unique generational problems. They had no looking glass, no master plan and certainly no pretenses of what the future of our country would hold. Carrying no misgivings, they knew that what rights they granted in the Constitution and even in the amendments would not cover the vast scope of problems brought forth by the citizenry. They most certainly laid a firm foundation, and America built off that model. The new model was cast from a democratic mold and smashed the old, which was one grounded in the aristocracy and feudal system that reigned supreme in Europe since the Middle Ages.

Jefferson's theory is essentially what transpires these days, albeit in a much disguised version. The law is not rewritten; indeed to do so would ensnare our legal system in a state of constant gridlock. Instead, laws are proposed and reinterpreted over the course of many years and spanning generations. Take the case of Brown vs. Board of Education, and what eventually gave black Americans equal ground when it came to education. That was the result of a long fight that started with the Emancipation Proclamation and ended with black Americans finally having recognition in one more arena of modern American life. Considering Jefferson's storied history with Sally Hemings and his own personal utopian tendencies he carried in that classical cranium of his, I imagine that he would have been pleased with the modern result.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

His Excellency: Modern Man

When I was I kid, I used to watch Jeopardy at night with my mother. I was in first grade and had yet to acquire the gross intelligence that now fuels this blog (haha). For most answers, I distinctly remember stating "Who is George Washington?". You can imagine my glee when I finally nailed the provided answer. It could have been any of a million facts...

The father of his country, he never actually felled a cherry tree.

An accomplished surveyor with crooked teeth, this founding father's image is etched into Mount Rushmore.

A member of Virginia's planter class, he became the first and only General of the continental Army in 1776.

Currently, I am reading Joseph J. Ellis' His Excellency: George Washington, the latest in his Revolutionary generation book collection. I finished Founding Brothers a few years back, and could hardly put it down. I find his writing fascinating. In writing a book, Ellis pours through mounds of documents, letters, and endless titles for one singular purpose: to give an almost three dimensional description of the subject at hand. One would think that most of what he is telling his audience is common knowledge, yet he is able to tie together many different sources and make succinct observations about whomever he is writing about. That is why I enjoy the books so much. Of course, his books are more of a literature review and the reader is expected to trust his observations. These observations come from Ellis and his pouring over thousands of hand-written letters. Knowing this fact, I trust he will draw the correct conclusion of the historical figure.

One of my favorite parts of His Excellency deals with Washington's youthful development. While the focus on his early days falls short in comparison with the depth and scope that the rest of book covers, it is not for lack of effort on the author's part but can be more attributed to the fact that so little is know about the young Washington. However, the book is able to reveal a few important character traits that will mold his life. Ellis is able to glimpse through Washington's early decisions, an ambitious agenda that the young man sets for himself. His decision to forgo a formal education is bolstered by his maturation as a surveyor for the wild country of the Virginia frontier. At the age of 20, he assumes a military post vacated by his deceased older brother and mentor with an eloquent petition to Virginia governor Robert Dinwiddie. Over the course of the next five years he hones his military skills and begins to strengthen his personal perspective.

In His Excellency, Ellis paints a vivid picture of a young man, intent on establishing his roots in Virginia aristocracy. However, what I found astounding was the fact that age of 17, Washington was able to purchase his piece of land, a mere 1,459 acres, on a choice plot in the Shenandoah Valley. It would be his first of many acreage acquisitions for the man who would be the father of our country. It struck me that a mere 250 years ago, what we know today as America was but a wilderness, and given a modest beginning, men such as Washington were able to forge their own path. While George started out with slightly more than most, he was no privileged son. He merely took his lot and made the most of it.

Sometimes, when driving around the outskirts of a modern southern city I end up in the suburbs. The suburban area I speak of is not the one on the edge of the metropolitan area. This suburb is normally strung out ten miles or more from the distal edge of the city. In Tampa, that region is Land O' Lakes. Positioned just outside Hillsborough county proper, the flat country is home dozens of developments. Take a noun normally associated with something natural or and a terrain feature and you have another name for your new community starting in the low $190s (!). Fawn Ridge, Plantation Palms, Mango Hills, and Heritage Plains are all possible names for a quiet domestic life. I can't imagine ever living in a satellite community such as these. For reasons unmentionable here, I just can't stand them.

I have a strange discomfort in comparing Washington's American dream to the modern version. The one where every man can afford a manicured lawn complete with a two car garage and his collection of tools strapped to the walls. In Washington's day, he was able to pursue his vision of the dream. Owning mass amounts of land and cultivating a prosperous life for himself, only to find that he was bound, tooth and nail to the mercantile British system. Then he basically got really pissed off when he discovered the truth, and set out to change it. Today's man also finds himself working to the bone to capture his dream on the outskirts of society, only to wake up one day surrounded by strip malls and gas stations. He wonders what he can do about it. Time is running out for this guy, and hopefully he will find the solution to being boxed in.
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